movies in the park move: a translation

For those of you wondering why movies in the park decided to move from Centennial Park, I figured this quick translation of their press release might come in handy:

Organizers of “Movies in the Park” are relocating the 17-year-old event to the suburbs. Last year, Metro Police increased their presence at Nashville’s Centennial Park after several disturbances and gang related activity.

Translation: as usual, it took someone getting shot and massive public outcry for Metro Police to realize that they should maintain a presence at massive public gatherings instead of roaming in their patrol cars issuing speeding tickets.

The free Wednesday night event attracts thousands, and in recent years has become a popular hang out for teenagers not interested in what’s happening on screen. It’s put on by the Nashville Scene, which has announced a move to a field in Percy Warner Park on Highway 100.

Translation: “teenagers” keep showing up! Let’s move to Belle Meade! There are no “teenagers” out there, if you catch my drift!

It’s less centralized, harder to reach by public transit and even more difficult to walk to. Those are all concerns raised by patrons to Scene marketing director Christy Bryan. But she says the Belle Meade venue is better suited for large crowds trying to enjoy a movie outdoors.

Translation: poor people can’t get there. A regrettable but necessary sacrifice! *wink*

“We have to accommodate our vendors, and we have to accommodate our viewers, so this really was an issue of space and keeping this a place where people feel comfortable bringing their kids and their dogs and their families to come and have a good time.”

Translation: suck it, poors!

The movie showing June 6th is The Help.

Translation: We have absolutely zero sense of irony.