Things I learned on my vacation to Pennsylvania:

  1. Over 50% of the mushrooms consumed in the US come from Pennsylvania
  2. When your bichon frise gets loose and wanders to the neighbors and gets its leash tangled in the chain of a very large hostile dog that attempts to hump it, an apple makes a very good decoy, allowing you to snatch the dog away with a minimum of bite wounds.
  3. The Jack Rabbit is the most fun roller coaster at Kennywood.
  4. Joe Hoeffel and I have something in common: birth in Wisconsin. Oh, and we both want to see Arlen Specter out of office.
  5. Yuengling evidently has bought a brewery in Florida, which means we might actually be able to get it here sometime soon, which ought to be the final turn in my spiral into alcoholism (or at least a huge beer gut), since it’s the best beer ever.
  6. There’s a lot of fighting in the Iliad (I’m at the part where they are fighting that battle, and that one guy was speared in his cuirass and fell into the dust, his armor clanging, and darkness veiled his eyes).
  7. Linksys wireless cards don’t work for shit with D-link access points.
  8. There are a lot of confederate flags in Pennsylvania. I guess no one told them that the war is over – and also that Pennsylvania fought on the other side.