apple apple apple28 Jan 2010
Apple fanboys will see this article as a testament to how non-apple fans are cynical bastards who fail to realize the potential and beauty of true, mind-blowing, revolution-inspiring technological magic. Everyone else will see it as an example of how apple fanboys are truly brain-damaged. I personally have no dog in this fight – I don’t really want an iPad. I could see how someone might want one. The relative merits of the device are inconsequential to how bizarre this article is to me:
They weren’t selling technical features. They were selling you magic. Real magic. The kind of magic where, thanks to world-class designers and programmers and marketers, it actually comes true.
Apple’s not actually selling a computer. Or a flash drive or multitouch. They needed to make those things for their product, but that’s not what the product is. The product is, simply put, a magical screen that can do anything you ever want it to, no matter what that is. Here you go. It’s five hundred dollars. If you pay me that, I will give you this magical thing that can do anything. You don’t have to read a manual. It will do anything, and it will do it right now, out of the box.
Other companies are selling computers. Apple’s selling magic. Which one would you rather have?
Uh, I’d rather have a computer? Because magic isn’t real? Get a fucking grip. Seriously, though – as a pure commentary on the success of Apple’s marketing, I think he’s 100% right. I’m sure that a significant portion of Apple’s customers will buy one of these because of the above marketing. But that’s only because I have a rather dim view of a significant portion of the human population. If I were someone that actually wanted an iPad, and arrived at that conclusion via a normal process of rational decision-making regarding computer equipment, I’d be a little offended that someone thought it was because I think it’s a “magical screen that can do anything I ever want it to.” Do I get to ride a special short bus, too?