nuts18 Aug 2008
Mixed nuts in order of tastiness:
(An authoritative, painstakingly-researched list that is full of facts)
- Pecans – unique for their inability to be consumed by themselves. Too overpowering. They have to be in mixed nuts to maximize relative deliciousness.
- Brazil Nuts – these are delicious and full of selenium, which is good for your prostate. But they are knocked down a few notches, because they used to be called “nigger toes”, and that’s just so weird and wrong. Also, Brazil is on the same continent as Venezeuela, which is run by a crazed brutal dictator (mental note: fact-check this), and we shouldn’t support terrorisms.
- Peanuts – although perhaps my favorite nut, they share the opposite property of pecans, wherein the combination with other nuts obliterates their tastiness.
(You should throw these away, or at people you don’t like) *
* Filberts are not actually a nut at all. They are actually the testicles of a lower-level shit demon, and they taste about how that sounds. God made a bet with the devil when the devil claimed that humans would eat anything. God lost, obviously, but we’ve been eating them ever since.