A note to all current and future restaurateurs:

If you are going to offer a house salad, do it right, or don’t do it at all. A few tips:

  • Red onion goes on salad, not white. People don’t eat massive chunks of underripe cheap white onion as thick as your thumb. Not on a salad, anyway.
  • Tomatoes are not decorations. They should preferrably be chewable and swallowable – not yellow, rock-hard and sliced into unconsumable fours.
  • A plate of iceberg is not a salad. Buy some romaine or mesclun for fuck’s sake, you’re running a restaurant here, for god’s sake.

I ate at Piranha’s for lunch today, and had a salad that committed all of these egregious errors. It was vile.

I understand that some of these ingredients are maybe pricier, or tougher to keep fresh, but no one wants to eat this crap. Don’t put a salad on your menu if you’re not prepared to make it marginally edible.